Archive for March 11, 2018

CRAzY MODERN “#&@%#*” !!!

March 11, 2018

A little “sabbath day”  recreational Humor Break —  Just to keep a record in  The Spruce Tunnel of crazy encounters with the modern world

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I have three favorite kinds of humor:  hyperbole,  absurdity, and irony.   When you get all three together, it’s just . . .  silly.

Red suv

A few days ago we had a sunny day, with a strong  bitter cold freezing cold wind.    And my car was stalled in a parking lot.  No electricals.  I had opened the car door with “electricals” –  the locks.    But that was the end —  a sudden unexpected end.

red goes crazy   S’okay.    I had remembered to bring my phone with me.    Now’s when you need a cell phone.    So I dialed the familiar number of my car dealership who had just serviced my cars a couple weeks ago.    Here’s my exchange with Chuckie the Evil Phone System:

 

Dialed number . . .

“There is an equipment failure.”

Yes, I know!   I’m sitting in a big piece of “equipment failure.”    Whose “equipment” are you referring to?       Dialed number  again . . .

“Equipment failure.  Please dial again.”

I refuse to believe the entire American cell phone system is having an equipment meltdown.     Dialed number  again . . .  

“This call cannot be completed as dialed.”

Why?  Did I make a mistake?      Dial . . .

“This number is out of service.”

No!  It isn’t!  I  just used this number a few weeks ago when they serviced my cars!  Dial . . .

“This is AT&T.  Would you like an operator to help you find an alternative business?”

No!   I want my nice familiar car dealership where they all know my cars and I trust them with Hubbie’s aging vehicle!    And besides,  AT&T  is not even my carrier!

Just in case I was wrong about that number (I’m not),  I thought I’d look up their number on the Internet –  thank you for mobile  Internet access.   Tapped in the business name, city, and state.

“Will you allow this site to have access to your Contacts?”

No!

Tapped in business name, city, and state Chose another site with my car dealer’s name.

“Will you allow this site to have access to your contacts?”

No!    Who are you?   You can’t know my personal business!     Tapped in business name, city, and state.  Chose another site with my car dealer’s name.

“Will you allow this site to have access to your contacts?”

No!     I’m really getting cold in this car – with no electricity and no heater!   Tapped in business name, city, and state.  Chose another site with my car dealer’s name.

This time I got  a number two cities to the west of me.   Chose that one.  Maybe they could transfer me.      But this time it was the local dealership I wanted.   So that problem eventually got taken care of.

Not the way tow trucks do business

My dealership does not offer towing service,  so they kindly gave me the number of the one nearby.   I could have walked to it!       The phone was back in working order now,  but the towing company said, yes, they could help me,  and it would take about an hour to get to me.

I’m sure they heard my frustration:  “An hour?!    I’m just around the corner from you!  I can walk over to you!”      Fortunately, Son’s number was on my phone’s Okay List, and he actually came before the tow truck did.  He jiggled something and I was able to drive myself to the dealership –  where, for anyone’s decent credit limit,  they will fix my car.  (That’s hyperbole.)

Google Lost

Last night I had to meet a friend and Son for a little concert –  a Barbershop Quarter concert featuring Cowboy music.       Made for people like me!

Cowboy quartet jittered

But I had never been to that particular high school auditorium.  Everybody Googles  driving directions.   I do,  but only when I’m in heavy traffic in unfamiliar territory and I suddenly realize I need it — which means. although I manage to stay in my lane,  I never really learned to Google well.

So I say (politely and clearly):  “Okay, Google,  Driving Directions.”

red d d half

No response.   But the screen changed slightly, so I gave it my desired address.   “820 Spring Street,  ***(town),   (****state). “

“I can’t help you.”

No “sorry.”    No “I didn’t get that,  please say your destination again.”    Just:  “I can’t help you.”

This time I try:  “Eight Twenty  Spring Street,  ***(town),   (****state). ”

“I can’t find 820 Spring Street,”  which is odd because it’s the address of a rather large high school!

I did “something” to the phone with my finger – but as I did so I noticed the map with my “desired address”  at the top.   It also showed a street map,  it said 5.5 miles to my destination,  and a route marked out with a GREEN line, not blue like in that picture,   and my location marked with a little GREEN circle.

In the fading daylight, in unfamiliar traffic,  I was supposed to keep track of a green circle moving along a green line.   Google had stopped talking to me after its initial verbal refusal, so no one was telling me when and where to turn.

The end.

I got to the concert.  It was really fun for all of us.  I’m home.    My insomnia kicked in last night so I’m going on one and a half hours of sleep today . . .  still going . . .  I expect some human “equipment failure of a personal kind,   anytime in the near future.

I can handle that.

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