Posted tagged ‘Humor’

A MINI mini-EMP

July 11, 2017

 

Zapped!

lightning

I do love lightning storms.     Thunder and  lightning storms.

But – in reality –  a lightning storm can have the same effect as an EMP  —  a very small EMP,   a very tiny local EMP;   like down to one neighborhood.

Our  “local” cable/internet technician walked around our neighborhood to examine the damage done, and although it was somewhat comforting to know he had received “a lot” of calls,   one tiny EMP-type electrical event comes down to one  not-so-tiny disruption.

meltedpc

Internet gone.   Television gone.  Modem gone.   Router gone.

It looked bad.

tv nothing

I was ready to give up things that I couldn’t give up on because we need these things to live the daily life we’ve become used to!  

It took a while to determine all the damage.

Time and “activity” –  unplug, replug, rearrange wires,  move cables around,  disconnect this, reconnect that, phone calls —   It felt like more than I could handle.

cant cat.jpg

I couldn’t pay my bills. I couldn’t do my banking.   I couldn’t buy a new dress.    I couldn’t read the news.   I couldn’t check my emails.   I couldn’t do the last bit of research for my class this afternoon;  so I just went to class anyway.

Then finally,  with a little time  and distance from the problem,  a shopping list developed,  a list of things to buy to replace the . . .   melted things.

An expensive little list.

I was not in a state of mind that I could make sense of replacing and attaching all the new components, and since Son was the last to create all the various electrical pathways  at the back of the TV anyway,  I reluctantly called him as he left work – after a twelve-hour day! –  and I’m hoping he did not hear the extreme frustration and despair in my voice.

He might have.   Because he came.   And with his work and a call to the cable technician,  we got things pretty much going.

One more component to  buy tomorrow.

I can handle that.

scaredy

I don’t like  thunder and lightning storms as much as I used to.

 

 

 

INFORMATION, PLEASE

March 31, 2017

(Whew!  This has been quite a week here in the Spruce Tunnel with deep,  dark,  dire postings – and maybe  more to come.   But time out now for a little humor  . . .)

______________________________________________

So I thought I would offer this official government memo to help those who are still looking for any “reports”  of Russian influence on the outcome of  American elections.

“An agency subject to the provisions of the Federal Reports Act may enter into an arrangement with an organization not subject to the Act whereby the organization not subject to the Act collects information on behalf of the agency subject to the Act.    The reverse is also true.”   *

Or these people could just stop their  fruitless quest  and accept the numerous and consistent denials from government agencies that there is no evidence of Russian influence.

Or, did Russia successfully deliver votes on behalf of one candidate or the other?    Well, on the liberal West Coast and on the liberal East Coast,   Mrs.  Clinton seems to have received  millions  more votes.     Certain people could turn their questing to  that issue.

Maybe that government memo can be of help!

_____________________________________________

.*     A memo from the Office of Management and Budget,  ca 1993,  quoted in the little book called:   “The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said.

(You may be hearing from that book again, from time to time.

SKULL SPLITTIN’ GOOD

March 27, 2017

(Well,  I guess this is a 180 degree turn from my last posting.)

I’m writing today to sort of apologize to my class this afternoon —  No.   No, maybe to tweak their noses a little bit.    (Humor,  guys,  humor!)   You know how one things lead to another  .  .  .

It all started with Gideon.    Of the Bible.     And after he became a mighty warrior,  because he was a little wimpy at first.

Gideon's Army    He won one battle after another and finally saved his people from the Midianite army that was threatening to wipe out the Israelites altogether.  Just one more mopping up excursion – and the last two enemy kings were captured.

Brought to camp.   Tied to a post.    Ready for execution, which they expected.    And then — Gideon called his very young son over and said. “You do it!   You have honors.  Pick up the sword and kill them.”

Gideons Sword

The Bible reports that the young boy refused.  He was afraid.     Now “afraid”  covers a lot of reasons, and  not necessarily cowardice.     I explained to my class  that it’s not as easy as you’d  think to kill a man,  even if the  strong warrior prisoner has been tied to a post and can’t hurt you.

And once you have killed a man,  even the youth would understand this,  you’ve crossed some line;  it changes you.   So why did Gideon think of asking his son to do the killing?

tacitus writing

A little over a thousand years later,  a man named Tacitus wrote the history of ancient times all the way up to his times.  Through him we have a pretty good understanding of warfare and all the necessary practices of war.

Tacitus explains that young boys had to be trained how to be warriors – for their own safety,  for their own self-protection.  Their training included running,  strength-training,  “target” practicing,  and then learning how to kill the enemy — that is,  how to actually kill a man, because that’s what warriors have to do.

taCITUS PAGE

The young warriors-in-training were given live prisoners  to practice on.   How to thrust your sword between the bones;  how to hit a vital organ . . .  the best way to cut off . . .  you know,  anything.    These  “practice” kills harden the young boys, in their skills, in their consciences, in their hearts.

This is what Gideon was offering to his young son, training.   That’s what every nation who takes seriously its own self-defense must do for its young men:  train them, just in case.  You’d need to know how to use your sword or your javelin or your (heh  heh)  I added for my class,  your battle-axe  (if you’re a Viking) and need to learn how to crack a skull . . .

. . .   Yes, well,  I must have sounded too enthused because someone gently spoke up to remind me that “we are Christians,  we’re supposed to be people of peace . . .”

 

clear-left

 

Who ever said history was dull?

My enthusiasm may have been a bit pumped up  because I’m  studying the Merovingians, right now,  and the Carolingians,  whose reign was cut short by the Vikings at the very  end of the 8th century on through the next almost two hundred years.       Great stuff!

I’m listening to several lecturers, one from The Great Courses –

great courses

–   and today in my car I  heard an off-the-cuff comment about the Viking named  Thorfinn Turf-Einarsson Hauskaluif    —    Thorfinn Skull Splitter, for short.   The lecturer dryly commented that their names often indicated Viking “procedures.”

We don’t know too much about him.  We don’t need to know;  we can guess.

Fast forward to today –  a century I don’t understand too well.         I have a few questions about the warrior spirit.

But  at least Thorfinn Skull Splitter lives on –  or, at least in name:

OOO skull guy

 

Yes.  There he is.

OOO Best Skullsplitter

 

On a beer bottle.     Apparently it’s a good Viking-strong beer,  a dark ale that is 8.2 alcohol by , um,  weight, I think.  A hefty punch!

You can get it from anywhere in the world, but the brewery is in the Orkneys –  that Viking stronghold now under the control of Scotland.

OOO orkney-brewery-logo

But, see?  I have a few questions about today’s warriors.    Today’s men, under the influence –  of  socialism,  such as Scotland and the whole of Great Britain.    Europe actually.

Skull Splitter beer has become  quite popular, and it attracted the attention of the socialist thought-police,  or whatever.   They had apparently discovered the name of this beer and they contacted the brewery.    Well, let me give a quotation from some reporter about this incident:

. . . the brewery was forced to defend Skull Splitter back in 2009 when it came under investigation from a British drinks industry “watchdog” called the Portman Group (which has the power to issue a nationwide ban against the sale of any alcohol product that steps afoul of its guidelines), who commissioned a report that concluded the beer’s name and labels were too aggressive. Apparently they felt that drinkers would read the name and then enter into an uncontrolled primal enthusiasm for drunkenness leading to the loss of all faculties except fervent engagement in all manner of ribald, reckless, and destructive behavior. And some good ol’ medieval axe-swingin’ violence, of course.

See?   I have a few questions about this current century . . . .

 

 

 

THIN ICE BENEATH OUR FEET

March 5, 2017

I woke up one day this week to this:

thin-ice

Thin ice!   We had thick ice earlier this winter,  a little bit of ice skating was possible,  but then we had a thaw . . .  and  then a slight re-freezing.     A little later that day the cold continued and the ice had completely closed up over the water.

But it was still thin ice.    I looked at it often that day and thought about that “one last heartbeat”   between us being alive – and then we’re dead.   A very thin boundary it seems between us and our final destiny:   “up,”  as we say,  or “down.”

Some of us, the Bible says,  will have to “pass through the fire” ;   the things we have done here in this life will be tried and tested , and the worthless things burned up out of us,  before we can go “up.”   .*

It is with a kind of wry  humor that I’m reminded of this every time I go to Mass or to class,  because I have to pass through the smoke    . . .  of burning heat below my feet!

purg-0

The city steam  pipes below the sidewalk are vented right near the entrance to our church!

In our art work, down through the centuries,  painters have shown  that the location of Purgatory is right below us,  right below the altar during a Mass;  so how funny that the smoke of Purgatory seems to be vented right nearby!

purg-2

 

And someone in the city decided that this would be a good opportunity for the children to display some artwork   . . .

purg-3

 

Except I don’t think they called upon young painters who understand much about the Four Last Things:  Death. Judgment.  Heaven.  Hell.

purg-4

Yeah,  maybe bad language is one of those things that will need to be “tried by fire” –  the hay, straw, stubble of their lives.

I thought it was  ironically funny,   but someone must have complained,  because one day I walked by and the steampipe was rather plain:

purg-5-new

The “pipe of purgatory”  had been “purged.”

One can find humor anywhere, I think,  as long as we take care of the major things,  have it all settled between us and God,  all, all, all settled;  and then do the right things.  Then you’re so free to enjoy life as it comes to you — and to see the love and joy and humor all around.

It’s soon becoming Sunday here in the Far North,  so I’ll leave you with one last picture that shows how   this all  works together.

suffering-and-fruits-of-mass-260

God the Creator,  Our Father, started it all;  the Son sacrificed His life for us,  which is made present to us at every Mass;   and every Mass touches Eternity and all the angels and saints in  Eternity.

And the souls in Purgatory,  beneath the altar,  are being made ready.

suffering-hand-in-purgatory

 

__________________________________________

. *  Found in:  I Corinthians 3:11-15    –    (A life of  …  gold, silver, precious stones?  Or  wood, hay, stubble:)      [13] Every man’ s work shall be manifest; for the day of the Lord shall declare it, because it shall be revealed in fire; and the fire shall try every         man’ s work, of what sort it is. [14] If any man’ s work abide, which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward. [15] If any man’ s work burn, he shall suffer loss; but he himself shall be saved, yet so as by fire. 

 

 

 

“Up” is unimaginable, indescribable good things that God has prepared for us;   and down is the pain of forever being “out.”    As I wrote  before,  intense pain,  like a physical pain, like a fire.

And it’s also one heartbeat below us,  waiting for us.

 

 

LANGUAGE IN A POLLUTION JAM

March 3, 2017

(Time out for some humor)

It’s hard to talk to each other in the midst of a raging storm.

new-haven-lighthouse-storm

We get used to it.   We shut out the powerful raging storm all around us.  We shut out the tumult of conflicting interests battering up against each other,  battering up against us. Life goes on with great uncertainties,  no safe and quiet ground to stand on;   and still we talk to one another as best we can;  we care,  we’re interested, we help out when we can.  We’re pretty sure there’s been some mutual understanding.

So,  communication can be difficult, of course, but sometimes we can  find humor in  the situation and just enjoy the wonderful human absurdity of it all.

Son gave me a little gift one day – a fun little gadgety gift that is actually of some help in the dry indoor air.  Here’s the box —

bottle-cap

Kind of cool –  you fit this cap onto any bottle of water, and it makes a nice mist.

It wasn’t, however,  “made in America,”   so the instructions sounded a little “foreign.”

Instruction #1:    Pile the filter into humidifier completely.  When you pull out, please do it on the opposite direction.          (Okay.  I think.)

Then in the “Notes” —

This is not waterproof products.   When using the product erect, avoid the water into the product.        (uh,  this is to be used with a half-liter plastic bottle with water in it . . .)

Please place it beyond the children’s reach.

Please place the product away from the human body for 30 meters,  for without ventilation completely,  drops of water will come into being.      (I don’t think my house is 30  meters long.)

When you are aware that the spray output of the humidifier is in a pollution jam,  please change into a new filter.

Plug the cable softly.

When you use automotive electrical appliance,  electrical appliance, expensive products,  pay attention to not make it wet.

Dropping out the product will make the product out of work.        (Makes sense.)

Do not use it for the other purposes.       (Yeah,   I won’t.)

And then the big caution:    Any problems happen,  please do not disassemble,  repair the product and contact with retailers.

 

__________________________

(Amusement aimed at me!)

I dabble in languages.

der-spiegel

There are  certain things I like to read in one language or another;    those darn footnotes in my books are in many languages;   I feel compelled for some reason to check the news in German every few days;  I worship in another language altogether.    But if I were to write or talk in those languages,  I’m very sure my words would be a source of amusement for the native speakers of that language.

I’d be the only one who knows what I’m talking about!

jesus-speaking

I think of Jesus teaching on a  hillside speaking important truths to the people crowded around Him, listening intently to every one of His words;    and the look on His face is one of bemused affection,  because He is knowing they don’t understand what He’s saying —  yet.   Bemused affection:  gently seeing the humor in the situation.

He is patient with us;  oh, so patient.

During this Lent,  I’ll be writing more and more about the Church’s teachings.     That is,  doctrines,  practices, and spiritual growth.

I suspect I’ll not communicate  well.

One big language pollution jam.

140 YEARS AGO

February 17, 2017

Life was freer  140 years ago:

cocaine-tooth-drops

I applaud the new administration for attempting to tackle the removal of tens of thousands of regulations that are stifling our economy and personal freedom.

But I guess we can keep a few.

Hat tip to Cousin Lois in the Far Far North.

NOW I CAN LAUGH

February 8, 2017

evil-computer-screen

I live in a computer world.   I live in my computer’s world.

I like all my “devices” –  PC, laptops, cell phone, tablet,  eReaders.

 

But it’s a precarious world to live in because we’re just not used to a world where there is no reality but digital reality,  there is no privacy but illusion of privacy, and there is only very flimsy digital safety.

So, on Monday,  I had a “digital visitor.”

computer-terrible-visitor

It happened like this:  I had a couple browsers open and a few windows  in each browser.   (asking for trouble, I guess.)    Up-to-date virus protection and  frequently used anti-malware program,  affording me that illusion of safety.   I was on the other side of the room, talking on the phone,  when all of a sudden my computer started talking to me!

Your computer has been compromised and all your data is gone and you have to   —  ”

Boom!    I leapt over to the computer and pulled the plug.   All the plugs I could find.   And stared at the blank screen,   shuddering.

Bye bye, all my  data.

evil-flying-awaya-papers

I had been in the middle of a big project, collecting ALL my photos from every source possible,   putting them into my PC;  collecting all my research and studies and class lesson plans and interesting articles and . . .  everything, every information bit I had.  The plan was to put them up in the cloud, into thumb drives,  into an external hard drive, etc. etc.      because —

word-to-the-wise

—  because I’m “pretty smart!”          ( back up back up back up)       Redundant back-ups.       

But I was taking my time.      I didn’t get to the actual backing up stage.    “Stupid.”

Although I wanted to call “a computer ambulance”  right away,  I had a four-hour delay because I had to go to class first . . .(sorry guys for my inattention)  . . .   and remained reverberating inside with that shuddering fear of what might have just happened.

Finally –

computer-tech-magic

–    I got my PC and my laptops to my  computer doctor – and he did some . . .magic, maybe,  and he looked inside at everything and blandly told me, “I can’t find anything wrong.”                I made him search again.   And again.

Until I believed him.

He said that pulling all the plugs right away like that “probably stopped the installation of the encryption of your data.”      Or maybe it was just one of those Scare Windows.

I don’t care which.   I don’t  know what he did:

computer-tech-shirt

I just love my Computer Tech Guy.

Don’t call this an “anti-climactic” ending to the story.   I will remember this scare for many years to come.    ALL of ME  in that PC.     So close to being –  gone.

Lessons learned?    (back up back up back up)  —

just-do-it

I will.   And I will also start living a little less connected to the Internet.    Back to thinking with my own brain.   Writing with my own hand.   I am a visual-tactile learner anyway;    I love pens and pencils and colored pencils and the “living flow” of meaning from the words I’m writing to the thoughts I’m thinking.   The keyboard divides me from my thoughts.

I’ve made more resolutions this week than I ever had on New Year’s!!

Yeah.  Lessons learned.   Nerves almost back to normal.   Good humor almost restored.   I can laugh –  well, not yet at this little incident,   but I can find the humor in all the changes that computers have wrought.

Here’s one for you:

computer-humor-a-little-socrates

Yep.  The computers have changed the way we think about ourselves!

“Know thyself.”

SOME DARK AND DANGEROUS IRONY

January 24, 2017

(Yeah, irony is one of my favorite forms of humor;  hyperbole and absurdity being the two others.)

Two t-shirts seen at the Leftist-Women’s March this weekend:  side by side,  one woman wearing a t-shirt that said:   I Love Islam.   The woman next to her wearing a t-shirt that said:   I Hate Misogyny.

It’s absurdly and ironically funny until you realize  how the Islamic Extremists are increasingly using the Leftist Extremists, forming an anti- American, anti- Western alliance.

(Now, I’m not writing about those who choose to peacefully follow the Muslim religion, and I’m not writing about those who sincerely follow the Democrat party – or at least what it used to stand for.)

Women promoting  Islam while Islam is denigrating  women:

during-womens-march

 

Again:   Islam is using the Leftists. Quite successfully.  Because there is no connection to reality in Leftist thinking:   “I love Islam” side by side with “I hate misogyny.”

These Women-Leftists do not know what happens to them after they join Islam, whether it was their choice or not.       Before-After:

kayla-mueller-christian-martyr

 

Both ideologies  declare that they are against the violence of the West:

is-behaed-those

Irony again.

But a partnership that could be sowing seeds of a violent overthrow of our culture – since some of them declare that that is their goal.

The partnership is like just one little match lit . . .  in a box of matches . . .   in a fireworks factory.

rev

 

What the entertainment-news media tells you about Islam and the Left  is not what’s happening in the actual, real world.

FUN WITH TRISKAIDEKAPHOBIA

January 13, 2017

(Traveling  anywhere today?  Avoiding ladders and black cats? )

I wasn’t sure if this was Fake News or not.  You know,  “click bait.”     But I was finished with the news and thought I’d have a little fun.  At the Daily Mail!   –  always an entertaining, sometimes informative place to visit (as long as you don’t “look to the right”!)

So, here’s a screen shot from FlightAware of a passenger flight today —

flight

Copenhagen to Helsinki, on Finnish Airways.   Flight # 666.   On Friday the Thirteenth.  Going to  HEL, according to the flight controllers.     (That would be: Helsinki.)     It took off at fifteen minutes past noon.  That would be the thirteenth hour of the day;  13:15

Oh,  and the airplane itself is 13 years old!

How fun!

I didn’t really really trust the Daily Mail article so I went to FlightAware and looked it up myself.  Here’s the info from that page,  just after it landed:

Finnair 666
FIN666 / AY666
Arrived 37 minutes ago
Terminal 2

We redesigned our Flight Page. Check out the updated features!
 
 
CPH Copenhagen, Denmark
HEL Vantaa, Finland
left Terminal 2 Copenhagen – CPH
arrived at  Terminal 2
Helsinki-Vantaa – HEL
Friday 13-Jan-2017 01:07PM CET
(8 minutes early)

Guess it made it —  and early too!

Those Finns!

Hubbie would be proud.

 

 

“GONE – SELFISHLY GONE”

December 26, 2016

One of the things my Mom liked best about living in Florida was the manatees.  One time I made her a set of stationery with manatees on the envelopes and papers,  even on some return address labels.

And today –  I SWAM with the manatees!

m-1

I mean I was right down in the water with them.

m-over-there

They drifted slowly around me, eerily smooth and silent, in their native home.

m-slow-motion

They would come right up to me.

m-at-you-close

And then I stepped back a bit and wondered how close they would get;  they’re big!

So then I looked down at my legs in the water and – yikes!   There was another one getting ready to swim right under me!

m-down-there

I stepped out of the way. but he kept moving, like, behind my legs, although I didn’t feel him brush up against me.

Did you know manatees have belly buttons?

m-belly-button

When one like this rolled over and glided past my face, I could see the big circular indentation where his belly button is.

It was really all so other-worldly  but so peaceful being under water with the manatees moving all around;   big gentle creatures, slowly floating, swimming,  moving, turning              . . .

 

. . . .and then I had to take off the Virtual Reality headset. . .  and give them back to my Son .

Whew!    What a strange experience.  I mean stepping back into the “real” world is strange, where all you have is  . . .  this;  whatever is around you.   So limiting!  

Yes, we are now a family with Virtual Reality.   There is nothing like it.   Not even “real reality.”           It’s hard to make the two worlds “meet.”    You can tell someone has the VR headset on because — well, this is what you hear – in very soft tones:

            . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . wooo . . . .  . . . . . . . . . . . uh . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . mn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . oh . . . oh,  wha- . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  wha- . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  nnnnnnn . . . . .

         . . . .SSSST!! – oop . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  hoooooooo   . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . .  Oh!    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Whoa! . . . . . .  . . . .

. . . . . . . .HEY GUYS!!!   YOU GOTTA SEE THIS!!!!    . . . . . . . . . . . . . no . . . . . .wait . . . .wait a  . . . . . .  uh   . . . . . .

You get the idea, I guess.   Not very flattering, but you really sound like that when you’re in the Virtual Reality world!       You’re gone,  all gone to the real world.   Selfishly gone because it’s a one-man experience,  one at a time.

And you don’t want to give up that Virtual Reality headset!

 

 

DEC. 19 – SOME THINGS YOU KNOW

December 19, 2016

December 19th,  you know the Electors voted for  Trump to be our next president.

You know that H.er  R.oyal  C.lintoness received  “the most” popular votes.

You know that if you take away the votes cast for her in just one state,  California,  that Donald Trump received the most popular votes (in the remaining 49 states).

And that’s why this country is not a Democracy,  but a Republic and why we elect our president through the Electoral College system.     (Genius)

Did you know that Russia *  affected the outcome of our election??????

We got proof! –

ps-note

 

Observations from The Spruce Tunnel:  a/k/a  Flyover Country.

.* (Thanks and credit to someone who copied and pasted and copied that from a                      re-retweeted, retweeted Tweet.)

 

 

 

MISSING SOMETHING?

December 5, 2016

(Integrity  –  the quality of being complete or whole, without any missing parts ):

whiskers-cut-cr

Yeah.  Sometimes you think you can make an improvement by jettisoning the “old things.”      “Let’s do it a new way.”       “Let’s free ourselves from the restrictions of the past.”  

Whoever gave us “whiskers”  didn’t understand the new, improved, modern ways of doing things.

I’m speaking, of course,  of our recent presidential election.

Politics, or “how to get your man elected.”

I frequently hear our  “new and improved, modern-minded”  Progressives talk about our “democracy.”     Democracy this, democracy that.   The Barack Hussein person recently went out visiting other countries in imitation of a final Victory Tour, and everywhere he went he talked about  the American “democracy,”  and what happens in our “democracy.”

Problem is,  the United States of America is NOT a democracy.   Our Founding Fathers were too smart for that.      They knew that any “democracy”  quickly becomes  a “tyranny of the majority,”   so we don’t elect our president by counting  a majority of “democratic votes.”

So they devised the Electoral College.  

It’s as important to us Americans as  —   as whiskers!

 

AN UNSERIOUS SERIOUS EVE

November 24, 2016

Thanksgiving Eve.  The night before Thanksgiving.  Dinner preparations are done.   

I just want to be unserious for a while.   Because these November dates are getting too serious for me, and I’m falling into one of my funks.        Nov.3,  Nov. 11, Nov. 19,  another Nov. 19, Nov. 22,  Nov.26 . . .   Hubbie’s death.    Then Advent begins in just a few days.  Purple.  Penance.    Too many births and deaths.  And I’ve forgotten the exact birthday of my friend’s little girl,  way across the country,  but it’s in November and I miss sending her a birthday card. 

gloomy-cloud

There’s no reason for me to be in a funk.     There’s nothing “wrong.”   

bar-thorns

So here’s a trivial nice thing floating in my mind somewhere;   it’s  not able to anchor down,  not enough to make life’s serious things go away,  but . . .   it’s there in my mind.

I came home one day and found a box on my doorstep.  Now what did I order?

1-onmy-doorstep

Dinner?   No, I didn’t.      Unless my fingers   slipped on the keyboard . .  .   It could be my next-door neighbors . . .  .

I took it into the house and put it on my  kitchen counter.

2-the-thanks

A gift and a thank-you card —  from the guys who gave me a new driveway!!!!

I wrote about these guys…  I told you they were a wonderful crew!!

3-cutting-my-driveway

If you’re local —  the company name is Hayhoe!

I love popcorn!   I could have popcorn for dinner!    I’ve had popcorn for dinner!!!

3-dinner-popcorn

But not for Thanksgiving dinner!!

I can tell you the Pumpkin Spiced Caramel  is delicious!    Haven’t. . .   uh . . .  tried the others.

I told you –   my dinner preparations are already made.

BLOODY FUNNY – BLOODY ODD

September 20, 2016

I don’t think I’m swearing in that title.      I don’t usually.

But I  really am going to talk about blood and bloody stuff tonight –  so please don’t read if you need to stay comfortable . . .   and uninformed.

Good-bye:

teardrop-green

 

So first a couple attempts at humor.  One guy created  this chart to make his point,  that the Western World has changed, advanced,  corrected its faults, and become better throughout time.

comparison-islam-thru-history

And then there’s this bit of humor . . . showing how difficult it is to understand a culture so different from our own:

sam-umbrellas

I mean no ill-will, and this is actually rather self-mocking,  self-deprecating humor.

Except –  it’s not so funny for the women who have to live like that.   Recently some women were allowed to be nurses and work at a hospital:

sam-nurse-cover

They were allowed to be nurses as long as they covered up everything but their hands,  and they had to prove that they weren’t wearing nail polish.   That’s why the ladies’  hands are being held up and outward.   So the men can inspect them.

See a similarity between the two photos?   When does “humor”  lose its funny-ness?

Deliberate Misdirection:

We get into serious territory.   If you looked into the issues behind this weekend’s “news” stories,   you may have discovered more serious information about the situation that is developing rapidly in the United States.  But if you heard about the he said-she said “drama”  about who said it was a “b*  om * b”   (they both did)  but if he said it, he was being “irresponsible and reckless”  and when she said it,  she was being “steady.”

Remember hearing that?    That was the entertainment-news media misdirecting our attention – away from any serious analysis of the problem.    Ha ha.    Stay comfortably funny.

We were also told that the timing of these latest attacks is very serious because the UN in New York will be hosting its periodic meeting of the General Assembly.

Where the Global-Socialist Rulers of the world plan their plots.    And assessing their use of their latest  cultural manipulation tool:   let’s call them “refugees,”  so nice people will be fooled.

Inside the UN  building:

un-prayers

The Barack Hussein person in the United States just celebrated Eid al-Adha – in the White House, with a nice, big dinner  (at our expense).     I hope the entertainment-news media explained what the “celebration”  is all about.

Because they celebrated it in a huge American baseball stadium on the other side of our country:

american-ball-stadium

This is the “bloody” part of the title of this post.   Because after the prayers and ceremonies were over,  they began to sacrifice animals there,  according to reports,  according to custom.  

Because that’s what is done this time of the year:

sac-animals-280

(I’ve kept the pictures small.   They’re really quite  overwhelming.   The Daily Mail from the UK gets the credit for these photos, taken in various countries.)

Animals are sacrificed “in honor of”  Abraham’s near-sacrifice of  his son.    

Now,  Christianity is all about the sacrifice of Jesus,  the Christ,   the Son of God,  which broke the power of sin over us.   All the sacrifices that were spoken of (and performed) in the Old Testament pointed to Christ’s one-time holy and efficacious self-sacrifice.  But Moslems do not believe that Christ died on the Cross, so . . . . 

Streets run with blood.   And this time,  this year,  in one large islamic city,   it rained –  washing so much blood away that the streets turned into red rivers.

rivers-of-blood

So from the humorous “umbrella people,”  to the odd coverings on nurses,   to the march of Islam everywhere,   in every continent,  in every government, even directing the world’s  “government,”   we go from humorous to serious,  because the “march” is really happening.   

There is a serious situation developing right now, as we saw during the knifings and explosions and shooting of policemen in our country this past weekend.

The “situation”  is called  dhimmitude.

Better look that up.    You need knowledge in order to make goo ddecisions,   but  I’m not “sanguine”  about the knowledge of my fellow-countrymen.

And pardon the pun.

HAZARD DAYS OF MAY

May 8, 2016

(Last year it was flowers for every day in May;  this year has taken a more “hazardous”  turn.)

I’m beginning to hope this month goes by quickly.     There’s been death and dangers in varying degrees of  seriousness frequently – already this month!    Tomorrow is the first day of a new week.    I intend to make it a normal week.  (As if I had anything to do with it.)

Of course the death of a family member gets people thinking about . . .   well,  death.   (Two posts ago  — May Days Become “Personal”)

As some of you know,  Son is  a pharmacist,  an occupation  which is known to be so stressful that “heart attacks at a young age”  is an occupational hazard.   Pharmacists are crushed between red tape of government bureaucrats;   ever-changing, never-helpful corporate policies;  as well as insurance companies’ labyrinthine rules;  and many times a day they’re confronted by cranky customers who have only the pharmacist standing in front of them for the target of their wrath.     *

Sometimes the wrath is truly deadly, as happened to a friend of my Son, who had the pharmacy just a little down the road.     The pharmacist was a young man,  husband, and father — murdered.         It happens.   

I sometimes think pharmacists should receive Hazard pay.

Sometimes the “hazard” takes an almost humorous turn.

 

Drive thru pharmacy

When Hubbie and I first visited  Son’s new pharmacy,  we hoped no one would take that sign seriously.   At least, don’t “Drive Thru”  right there.      But someone almost did a few days ago.   Brakes didn’t work.    The gas pedal did.

Bent column

Not too much damage to the outside of the wall,  but it made a mess inside.   Bent out one of the supporting columns.

No one hurt.   That time.

More has happened to Son this week, something that could have been a lot worse if not caught in time,  but he’ll be fine (I think) –   it’s more a mother’s lingering worry now.

However – Son and I do have a project going on over here that should remind us all that danger can lurk – even in our own homes.    (No photos),  but my front yard and driveway look like a tornado hit us.  The house is still standing,  but the contents of the garage are spread out all over – outside of the garage.

See,  we’re having a garage sale soon.  My first one ever,  by myself.    So Son emptied out the garage, removing things that hadn’t been seen in three decades!    We found “occupants”  of the eight-legged variety.   Bad enough!   (no photos – ick ick ick))    But Son identified one as a possible  brown recluse.   Or close enough.    Bug bombs, sprays,  hoses and brooms later,  we are reasonably sure the garage is reasonably safe.

But it makes you think.   It was a brown recluse which nearly took off the leg of Billy Graham several years ago.

And then there’s tonight’s  “hazard.”    I did it to myself.    If I ever have snacks,  like during a good NASCAR race for instance?   like tonight . . .   it would be nuts and seeds and dried berry things.    I tried a new variety tonight.  One known to be healthful.   Bitter,  but healthful.

SAMSUNG

Well, here’s a photo,  but there won’t be a label — wouldn’t want you to “try this at home.”

I mixed a generous handful in with my trail mix type of snack.

Felt something.

Read the instructions on the container.

Discovered I’m supposed to be very cautious.

“Take one ( ONE ) piece in the first hour.”

“No more than three per hour after that.”

Now I had to figure out what to do with that “generous handful” working away in my stomach.   I had some options,  but none seemed too attractive.      My head did feel a little funny.   Was I dizzy?  Was I getting faint?    There could be a dozen other reasons for that.  Was that a stomach ache developing?  Something in my back?   Oh, yes… there was  a lumpy sort of sore spot deep in my back . . .  .

Or maybe I was just panicking.   Not thinking too clearly,  I wrote a text to Son saying “I just did something silly.   I’m going to wait a couple hours and text you again at 10:00.   If I text you, everything is all right.”

I couldn’t decide if the text itself was silly,  so I thought I’d wait before I send it.   After all, NASCAR was on.    I drank a lot of water and iced tea.   I ate anything I could think of with a lot of fiber to soak up the . . .  uh . .  overdose.    I even made some oatmeal –  yuck –   not a good snack.    I had some Bolognese sauce simmering on the stove for tomorrow’s dinner.  I ate some of that too.

I’m glad I didn’t get around to sending that text.   The race was so good that I didn’t notice when 10:00 came and went.     My head began to clear up. but now  my stomach doesn’t feel so good.   I’ll probably be too sick to go to church in the morning.

bear seeing you

“Hazards” – lurking nearby

We all are going to face hazards of varying degrees of seriousness.   Life itself is a “terminal condition.”      We’re on a journey,  but we’re not exactly walking on a Red Carpet.

Hazards are everywhere!     Sometimes close to home.    Sometimes lurking, unbidden.

Sometimes self-inflicted.      Like  trying out some new snack food.

Who  ever would think that “food”  comes with “instructions”?

 

________________________________________

.*       Be kind to your pharmacist.    He’s usually not the cause of long waits,  denials,  and confusions.       The Spruce Tunnel has some suggestions:    “How To Talk to Your Pharmacist.”

 

DE-JA-VU-STORM

March 2, 2016

(The lady laments):

Just about the same time as  last week.   Another snowstorm.  Like deja vu .

Which is a very good thing . . . .

Somewhere between 9 and 10 inches of snow today.  No need for a ruler this time.  You can see it two postings ago.   9 1/2 inches.     As I was shoveling – again –  I remembered last week’s Snow Bear —

SAMSUNG

But it wasn’t there today.

Missing . . . .

We had had a couple “warm” days  this weekend so the snow bear I had made went away.  But since I was outside shoveling the same snow from the same driveway,  it just seemed like it should be there.

Which reminds me why this snowstorm is a good thing. . ..

And sorry for the dark photos this time.

My laptop and my desktop PC  are gone today.  Gone like that Snow Bear.   And so , too, is all my software for lightening up photos.   

The snowstorm made it a dark day today.

SAMSUNG

Big snowflakes.   Dark day.

Dark, dark, dark.  

All the bits and pieces of my brain are in my missing laptop and PC.     So many times today I wanted to check email –  not there –  check the news –  not there –  answer some questions – not there —  find a pretty painting I was reading about — not there.     Dark.

I do love a good snowstorm.   I love having some useful exercise to do.  (I wasn’t planning to drive anywhere,  but shoveling snow just seems – useful.)   I love the beauty that the snow brings, and the geometric patterns on my backyard pond –

SAMSUNG

Deja vu on watching pond patterns again, I guess.   I’d lighten that for you and turn up the contrast.   But I can’t.

My laptop and my PC both,  AT THE SAME TIME,  “got sluggish” to the point of being unusable.  My PC was giving me very scary messages like “No operating system found.  Press any key to reboot.”      Yikes.

I saw it coming.   But I delayed taking them in.  I couldn’t figure out what I would be doing without them while they were being fixed.

They’re in good hands now.   Geeks.  Real, genuine, computer geeks.   I’m very confident.  They weren’t much for small talk but they had a large computer vocabulary.    They seemed to appreciate having my computers to work on,  like  “Oh, boy –  an interesting challenge.”    At least I hope that’s what they were thinking.  

No one could have more affection for my laptop and my PC than I have.

So,   I’m glad for a repeat of last week;  another snowstorm to distract me, and all the things that come with a snowstorm:  fireplace, reading, knitting,   hot cocoa,  comfort food,  and a little fresh air.

Not much else to do.      I could write about something serious today,  like we shouldn’t rely on computers so much, especially when it comes to voting, like electronic voting where today in Texas the people who cast votes for Trump report that they watched their vote on the screen get changed to another name —

Computers can do funny things to you.   But I can’t think about that much now.

My brain is in bits and pieces on someone’s work bench right now.

.

 

 

 

4. IOWA CAUCUS – CONCLUSION

February 1, 2016

 

So after the political contest in Iowa and I suspect after the political contests in the other 49 states,  I think this is what we will know for sure:

 

Questions Book

 

Because mankind cannot give itself the answers.

A PAIR OF H-WORDS

January 30, 2016

 

Yes, times are . . .  complex.  

Rube

 

Figure it out.

All the instructions are there.

And it makes about as much sense as what we get from our culture — with “instructions”  from the entertainment-news-media.

The only thing is,  this is the only life we get.     How we figure things out is a matter of life and death –  eternal heavenly life,   eternal hellish death.     And if you haven’t noticed yet,  you really won’t get answers from the world around us.

Meanwhile,  I can highly recommend a little humorous take on the world around us from this interesting Website:   http://moonbattery.com/              I’m pretty sure he won’t mind if I link you to him.       He has short, to-the-point,  hard-to-argue-with frequent little postings.    Like  little vitamin pills  for the mind.

So, yes,  Humor clears the mind.

And then you’ll know where to find an answer.

The Answer hasn’t changed in almost 2,000 years.    We just have to be open-minded —  but being open-minded isn’t going to be very helpful if we’re not Humble.

Because when a person is open-minded without humility,  all that happens is the person steps onto his own stage – front and center!

If that’s good enough,  then you’d be able to figure out the diagram above!

It’s Sunday tomorrow.   Sunday presented to you for a reason.

 

(ABSURD) FOOTBALL INJURY

November 15, 2015

No photos today.  Can’t quite manage that.

I’m suffering from an injury which is  a little more severe and bothersome than I expected, and life has narrowed to a strong pain in my foot and whatever perimeter I can gain around a pair of crutches.   “Yardage,”  so to speak.

It happened during a football game.    Oh, yes, we won, great, thanks guys.     But somewhere in the third quarter an enormous pain sprang up from my right foot, right on the outer edge.   I had been sitting down,  but leaning forward because I was also knitting (during commercial breaks)  and I must have had weight on my right foot — all that time.   Like an hour or so, without moving.

The pain actually increased over the next few hours and it was clear I couldn’t bear any weight on that foot.   Saturday activity had come to a screeching halt.   No more errands;  No finishing up the Saturday housecleaning . . .  No yardwork on this beautiful sunny Fall day . . .   No  nothing.

After a few hours that side of my foot swelled up and turned red near my little toe.    A distressed phone call to Son,   and a few aspirin and a magnesium footbath later,  I  thought of . . .  what?     a slow motion break?    a slow stretching of the tendons on that side of the foot?  a dislocation of the toe joint?    Or am I developing some deep inner infection and I”m going to have to have my foot cut off like my Grandma did and like my Dad did and now it’s my turn?

Once I recognized the hyperbole,  I got myself into bed,  turned on my favorite radio stations,  clutched my Holding Cross,  said my prayers…  and woke up many, many hours later …   with the pain not quite so acute, just as Son said would happen.

Now, today, Sunday,  I am facing two more football games. 

And I have only one more foot to give.

King david

As King David said long ago in his Psalms:           I will praise thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: wonderful are thy works, and my soul knoweth right well.    (Psalms 188:14)

And I don’t understand anything about how I’m made or what happens to me.

Bears flag

GO BEARS!

IM COMPER HENS ABLE

November 2, 2015

I didn’t have much time to spend this weekend when we had to set our clocks back an hour.  And all but two of my clocks are analog — for a reason.

However,  the clock on my stereo system is digital and flashes brightly and annoyingly at every power outage.  And then came the Time Change:

Press CLOCK until time flashes.

Rotate MULTI-JOG  to set the hour

Press SKIP FORWARD  to shift to minutes

Rotate MULTI-JOG to set the minute

Press SET to save settings

Press STOP to quit settings.

But not all knobs and dials and little indentations were labeled;  and the ones that were labeled were medium gray embossed onto lighter medium gray — in microscopic print.

On a shiny surface.

So a flashlight didn’t help much.

bar dissolve er

The following day I received an email from my bank which informed me that the bank was changing its online automatic bill paying system, so all E-BILLS will be suspended for two weeks, and I’d have to make “other arrangements”  to pay my bills for that time, and then come back and set up my online  bill paying in the new system.

So I looked at my bank  statements.   I had less than a week to do this for some of the bills.    The bills that my bank handles automatically are listed on their statement variously as E=PAYMENT;   E-BILL;   AUTOMATIC WITHDRAWAL;   AUTOMATIC PAYMENT;  and one just ended with the company’s phone number.

So . . . ?

When I followed the link in my email and got into my account  (don’t DO that from an email message),  I discovered that in order to see an overview of what bills the bank paid automatically for me,  I’d have to “sign up”  for E-BILL payment.    Which — wasn’t I already signed up if they’re already paying my bills?   And now I had to agree to a new set of privacy statements.  And I didn’t want to.  But a few minutes later I got an email “welcoming” me to their online bill paying service.

After a trip – in person – to the bank today,  it was mutually agreed that the unhelpful instructions which I had printed out is their fault.  They weren’t seeing it from the customer’s point of view.    See,   all those words in capital letters,  that wasn’t the bank’s designation,  it was the label  the different companies put on the automatic payment.   In other words,  the “E=BILL” on my bank statement wasn’t the bank’s “E-BILL.”

We have wonderful customer service people at my bank.   She explained it all so clearly.   I’m pretty sure she knew what the bank was doing.    Their IT people just weren’t aware of actual Customer experience.

bar dissolve erI once bought a cheap digital watch that I liked because you could set a chime to ring at every hour.  The salesman showed me how to do it.    But when I had to set the time back,  I couldn’t figure out from the instructions how to  do it, . So I bought another similar one which was set to Daylight Savings Time.    So I alternated throughout the year.   But after they each needed new batteries . . .   well, I’m not using either one for now.

bar dissolve er

And so,  I’m just blowing off steam.   I think we need writers who write for real people who are going to read their writings.   If you know what I mean.    So many instructions and memos and letters are written without knowing what it will sound like to the reader.   I once sat down just for fun and “corrected”  a letter that a teacher had sent home with our daughter.   ( I was a teacher too once! )   But letter after letter, through the various teachers —   it just  got to be too sad.  Too alarming, actually, as the years went by.

You all probably know by now where I think we are in the great cycle of civilization.  This is more than  a mere fin-de-siécle *, it’s an absolute collapse of civilization.    Reading and writing are marks of a civilization.    Our local news reported recently that an assessment of Detroit school children shows that  93% of children are not proficient at reading;  and 96% are not proficient at math.    That means they can’t read or do math as expected.     But that’s old news.   Twenty years ago there was a study in some big eastern state that showed that a little more than half of the graduating seniors could not read their own diploma.    And again,  another eastern state,  something like 70+% of teachers could not pass the high school proficiency test needed to graduate from high school.

The majority of people I know say they “don’t like to read”  or don’t spend any time reading — or the great cover excuse:  “I don’t like to read fiction, I only like to read about real things.”      Which reveals an enormous misunderstanding of what fiction is.   But as a teacher,  I recognize an excuse when I see it.

But let’s have fun with mangled English.

Trying to navigate written instructions reminds me of that great Website called  engrish   .  com.  You can get to the Website using that URL,  no spaces.

Try these instructions:

engr cap itOr pay attention when you’re at an airport!

engr  eating carpetEspecially follow the instructions when you’re thinking of using a toilet:

engr toilet paper

It’s international —

engr russianI could stay on the Website for a very long time.

I’ll take good humor wherever I can get it.